Ça! Je veux regarder ça!

Dans une chambre d'hôtel, B voulais écouter la télé. Sauf qu'il n'y avait rien mais archi rien comme programmation destinée aux enfants. Je faisais défiler les stations et je guettais le coin inférieur du poste pour le logo des stations. "Arrête-toi là! C'est une station pour les enfants!" Euh, non, en fait. C'était ABC...

Candy Shop

My husband bought me a t-shirt at a candy shop. The shirt is a bright yellow, with a few lollipops and a big, bold saying. He found it funny and I decided to wear it as a nightshirt. Bad idea. I'm never wearing it again. B keeps sticking his tongue out to rub it on my shirt. (The shirt says "Wanna lick?") Ugh.

Et pourquoi pas?

"Mais pourquoi est-ce que je n'ai pas le droit d'écouter 'South Park' à la télé?" Se plaint B. Là, j'avoue que j'ai hésité. Comment aborder le sujet sans trop en dire? L'émission, enfin c'est un dessin animé, n'a pas été conçue pour les plus jeunes, vu la mort de Kenny dans chaque épisode, l'utilisation de termes tels que 'allumeuse', 'bander' et 'défoncé'. De plus, tout ça, ce serait passer sous silence les pubs. Un exemple notable avait une famille qui jouait un jeu de société dont le but était de récupérer des crottes dans le bol de toilette. Le temps que j'essaie de trouver une réponse convenable, B me regardait, l'air de tout comprendre. "C'est parce que les personnages voulaient prendre une photo de la poitrine de leurs mères, n'est-ce pas?" Euh, oui. Ça aussi.

Huh?

"Can I play with my iPod?" B asked for the nth time. "No," I said. "You can't." I head toward the stairs. "Please," B adds. "Please can I play with my iPod?" "No," I repeat, climbing the stairs. "You can't play with your iPod." B follows me, relentlessly pestering me as I reach the washroom, floss and brush my teeth and even as I tell him to get out because I need to pee. "That's it," I say, exasperated. "Don't ask again for your iPod or you won't even be allowed to play with it this evening." B leaves quietly. He remains quiet as I finish my business. He remains quiet as I wash my hands. He remains quiet as I... start to worry. "B?" I call. "Where are you?" I dry my hands and peek in his bedroom. No B. I go downstairs and spot him immediately, sitting on the couch rather stiffly. His posture sends my Mommy instinct on high alert and my gaze sweeps the room. I realize then that I've left my purse, home of the coveted iPod, on the couch rather than put it on the closet shelf, well out of B's reach. "B," I draw closer to my little miscreant. "Did you get your iPod out of my purse?" A tight little squeal bursts out of his mouth and his hands fidget with the cushion to his left. I reach for the purse and sure enough, the iPod is missing. I shake my head at my son and reach for the cushion, uncovering the iPod. "B, I'm disappointed in you." For an instant, his jaw hangs slack then he recovers, frowning angrily, "What does that even MEAN?"

Nana et Kiki

"Est-ce que tout le monde va venir à Noël?" Demanda B. "Est-ce que grand-maman et grand-papa seront là?" "Non, pas tout le monde. Ou ton grand-père viendra, ou ta grand-mère sera là mais pas les deux - ils ne veulent se retrouver ensemble au même endroit." "Mais pourquoi?" S'étonna B. "Parce qu'ils ne sont plus mariés maintenant. C'est comme Nana et Kiki. Ils ne veulent pas se retrouver au même endroit non plus." B regarda Simone de travers. "Eux, ce n'est pas pareil! Ils ne vivent même pas dans le même pays!"

B orders a frozen lemonade

"Can I go to the counter by myself this time?" B asked Simone. "Sure," she agreed. "Here's the money." She handed him a toonie to give the Tim Hortons salesperson. Simone watched as B sidled up to the counter. "Excuse me?" B asked, his eyes barely reaching the counter height. "I'd like a frozen lemonade please." He placed his toonie on the counter. The salesperson eyed the money. "What size did you want? Small or medium?" B slid a glance at his mother. "Well, the last time I ordered myself, I asked for a medium and my mom FREAKED out so I think I'd better just order a small."

C'est l'Halloween!

"Maman?" "Oui, B?" "J'ai décidé, cette année, que c'est moi qui va donner les bonbons à ceux qui frappent à la porte le soir de l'Halloween." "Tu ne vas pas aller chez les autres, toi?" Lui demanda Simone. "Tu n'auras pas ton propre panier de bonbons?" B contempla cet aspect de la question pendant quelques instants. "Je sais ce qu'on va faire. Je vais rester à la maison et toi, tu vas te déguiser en enfant et tu vas te mettre à genou pour demander aux voisins de te donner des bonbons pour que je puisse en avoir!"

Fashionista

B's eyes gleamed as he took in the clothes Simone had laid out for him. "I can wear this today?" "Yup," Simone nodded. "It's picture day at school so I thought you might want to wear something special. "You don't usually wear jeans. Do you like these ones?" B nodded enthusiastically. A few minutes later, after he'd put on most of the outfit, he presented himself in front of his mother. Simone whistled. "Very nice, kiddo! Now you'll probably want to wear the dress shirt open over your t-shirt." "I knoooow!" B protested. Then he added, "I saw another boy wearing his shirt like that and it looked sooooo good!"

Jeu de mains

B désigna sa main gauche. "Cette main-là, elle veut dire belle." Puis ce fut le tour de la main droite. "Cette main-là, elle veut dire adorable." Il serra ses deux mains ensemble et sourit à sa mère. "Quand je fais ça, sais-tu ce que ça veut dire?" Simone avoua que non, elle ne savait pas du tout. "Ça veut dire que mes deux mains, c'est toi!"

C'est quoi, ta superpuissance?

B examinait les lavabos de la salle de bain de ses parents. "Dis, maman, pourquoi est-ce que ton lavabo est tellement propre et celui de papa est sale?" Demanda-t-il. "Parce que je nettoie le mien dès que j'ai fini de l'utiliser," répliqua Simone. "Tiens, je vais te montrer." Simone attrapa un linge et essuya le lavabo de son mari. Quelques instants plus tard, le lavabo brillait de propreté - et B était subjugué. "Waouh! Toi, tu as une superpuissance: la propreté!"

Male? What does that even mean?

"B, you're a child," his older sister told him. "I know," he replied scornfully. "You're a male child," she added. "Noooooo!" B protested. "That means that you're a boy child," Simone intervened. "Oh. Well, okay then."

Shhhh! It's a secret!

"What's that you have in your hair?" Simone asked B when he came back from school. B's eyes widened and his hand quickly grabbed the back of his head. Simone leaned in closer. "Was that a rubber band in your hair?" A guilty smile spread across B's features. "I put a ponytail in," he whispered. "Don't tell Dad, okay?"

Mais ça fait mal, ça!

B était dans la baignoire, entouré de ses jouets. "Aïe!" S'écria-t-il. "Qu'est-ce qu'il y a?" S'étonna Simone. B leva le bras droit. Un petit arrosoir en plastique vert semblait avoir remplacé la main de B. L'enfant se mit alors à chanter, "SOS, please someone help me. This time please someone come and rescue me!"

Religion

"I'm an agnostic," declared one of Simone's older children. "Really?" Simone inquired. "Maybe you should study some of the world's religions, just to make sure that you're making the right decision." But the young adult scoffed at this suggestion. "I feel I know about religion. I've informed myself." Well then...

Hé, ho! Copain!

B courrait aussi vite que possible pour rattraper le ballon de soccer lorsqu'il aperçut quelqu'un qu'il connaissait. Il s'arrêta d'un seul coup alors que tous ses coéquipiers continuèrent leur folle poursuite. "Salut, Luc!" Dit-il à un petit bonhomme de son âge. "Ça va? Tu passes de belles vacances?" Mais Luc ne voulait rien savoir, "Mais qu'est-ce qui te prend? Tu es en plein milieu d'un match de foot! C'est pas le moment de venir me parler! Va t'en! Va jouer!" Et B afficha un beau sourire et annonça, "À tout à l'heure alors!"

Who was that masked man?

B walked through the mall with his parents. Simone, his mother, was a few steps ahead of B. She slowed down her pace and asked B as he caught up to her, "Where's your dad?" B frowned at Simone. "He's right here," he said, pointing to the man walking close to B. Simone grimly shook her head. "Look again," she said. B did indeed look again and saw a man he'd never seen before. Startled, B stopped moving as did Simone. "That," said Simone, "is why you must keep looking and making sure that you're with your mom or dad. It's why you need to stay close enough to hold my hand. Even though you're a big boy now." Then Simone inhaled deeply and hugged her son.

Un nouvel ami

"Maman, j'ai rencontré un nouvel ami aujourd'hui," annonça B. "Ah oui?" "Voui," fit B. "Il a des petites balles noires sur son crâne." B se rapprocha de Simone et chuchota, "Je crois que ce sont ses cheveux!"