Mais ça suffit!!!

"B!" Grogna sa grande soeur. "Ça fait 5 fois que tu me tousses dessus! Arrête!" Et B de tousser une dernière fois. "Voilà. Maintenant t'en as pour une demi-douzaine."

This is what happens as the winter drags on...

"B!" I cried. "What are you doing running up and down the stairs?" He stopped moving and considered the question for a few instants before saying, wide-eyed, "I'm entertaining my legs."

Nom de famille?

"C'est quoi, ton nom de famille?" B demanda à une copine de sa grande soeur. "Cheeseman." "Non. Sans blagues: c'est quoi, ton nom de famille?" B insista. "Cheeseman." "Bon. Ça suffit. Je vais te dénoncer."

Colour change

"B!" I said when he climbed off the bus. "What happened to your mittens?" B looked at his mitten-covered hands. "Well, it happened like this," he began slowly. "I started off with two black mittens. They looked just like this one," he lifted his left hand which was housed in a black mitten. "But then, the right one fell off. In the snow. And the snow was wet. Very wet. The snow made the black in the mitten melt away and then, the mitten turned grey." He lifted up his right hand to demonstrate. "Like this." "You lost your mitten, didn't you?" He nodded, grinning. "Yeah," he admitted. "But it was a good story, wasn't it?"

Hmmm...

"B, as-tu rangé tes jouets?" "Euh, oui." "B, c'est important de dire la vérité. Je sais, en fait, que tu n'as pas rangé tes jouets. Il est très important de dire la vérité, comme ça je sais que je peux te faire confiance. Crois-tu que tu sois capable de faire ça? Es-tu capable de me dire la vérité?" "Oui! Euh... Non! Euh... Oui? Je n'en sais rien. Tu me racontais quoi, au juste?"

And the baddest word ever is...

"Setoratic," B announced, balancing orange jello on his spoon. "Setoratic is the baddest of the baddest word EVER!" His father, sitting across the table from B, smiled dreamily. "Jello reminds me of your mom's booty..." he said. B frowned and pointed the spoon at his father. "Setoratic includes people who say things like that about mom!"

Is it tickle day today?

"Daaaaaaad!" B cries out. "You can't say that you'll tickle me only on days that end in 'y'! EVERY day ends in 'y'!"

Kissing

"Mom!" B shouted when he got off the school bus. "I kissed S on the bus today!" "Oh? Really? Why did you kiss her?" B stopped still and considered the question before shrugging. "I don't know," he admitted. "But the other boys on the bus sure thought it was funny."

J'ai gagné!

"Regarde, Maman," s'exclame B. "J'ai réussi le puzzle - la petite balle est bien plantée dans l'espace 'fin'!" "Bah! Tu as fait comme ton grand frère. Tu as fait sauter la balle sans suivre le parcours pour qu'elle atterrisse là où elle est." "Quoi?" B fait une grimace. "Ah non. Surtout pas! Je ne suis pas un tricheur comme mon grand frère, moi!"

What's that in your pocket?

B came home with his jacket pockets bulging. I gave him the evil eye, thinking that he'd started collecting the schoolyard's nondescript rocks (read asphalt chips) again. "What's in your pockets?" I asked. B grinned mischievously and cracked both pockets open. "Poop." In spite of myself, I peeked. Sure enough both pockets overflowed with brown, gooey stuff. My face bunched into a disgusted expression. "Just kidding!" B laughed. "It's mud. But it sure looks like poop, doesn't it?"

C'est pas normal, ça!

Durant le spectacle, Aladdin se pencha vers la princesse Jasmine et l'embrassa tendrement. B écarquilla ses yeux. "Non!" Souffla-t-il. "Est-ce qu'ils ont le droit de faire ça? Est-ce qu'ils ont le même nom de famille?"

Sleep now, my child

Simone eyed the clock on the cable box. "B, it's time for bed." "What?" B's gaze zoned in on the time. "Oh. Mom!" He pointed to the patio door, well away from the cable box. "Look over there!" And B switched the cable box's power bar to the off position.

Puhleaze????

"Mom?" B calls me from the bathtub. "Yes?" I ask from the next room. "I got scared in the tub," he tells me. "Really? What happened?" "I slipped in the tub and almost hit my head on the tap!" "Hmmmm... Maybe you should try sitting in the tub instead of standing?" The little guy stays silent for a few moments. Perhaps he's considering my words of wisdom? "Mom?" B calls me from the bathtub. "Yes?" I reply. "Do you think that we could try this talk again and instead of telling me to sit, you could say 'Aw. Muffin.'? I really like it when you say 'Muffin'." Indeed.

Well, that settles it

B glanced through the new library book. "Look, Mom! It shows here how poop is made!" Indeed. But then my boy's face fell and he slammed the book shut. "That's it. I'm never going to be a girl." Oh? Why's that? "It shows in THAT book," his moue expressed his distaste clearly, "how the babies grow in the girl's belly and how they come out." B shuddered. "Plus they said it HURTS! That's CRAZY! I am soooooo glad I'm not a girl!"

Oh! Il neige!

B, bien emmitouflé dans son manteau, son écharpe, sa tuque et ses mitaines, inspira profondément. "J'aime ça quand l'air est tout froid," dit-il en souriant. Puis il se retourna vers moi. "J'te pari que la chose que tu préfères par-dessus tout pendant l'hiver, c'est de pelleter les marches!" Euh... en fait...

Sweet Transvestite

A Rocky Horror Picture Show medley came on and I giggled with glee! Especially when my favourite song, "Sweet Transvestite" came on. I started singing out loud, relishing the moment, when a little voice chimed in, "I'm just a sweeeeeet transvestite from Transylvannnnniaaaaaaaa-ha-ha!" "B!" I cried, stunned into silence. "Where did you learn that song?" "From the game 'Just Dance 4'! I like it!" Ugh...

Pas de problème!

Je profite de quelques minutes seule dans les toilettes pour lire un article dans Cosmo lorsque la porte s'ouvre brusquement. J'en fait tomber la revue. "Qu'est-ce qu'il y a?" B commence à baisser son pantalon. "J'ai besoin d'aller aux toilettes." "Tu ne vois pas que j'y suis déjà?" B hausse les épaules. "Pas de problèmes! Tu te déplaces deux secondes et tu me laisses passer. T'inquiète pas. Ça ira vite."

What's your superpower?

"What's your superpower, Mom?" B asked me. "I'm very good at scaring people," I told him. "Oh, right," he nodded knowingly. "You're a witch."