Ziplining

Simone is scared of heights. Once upon a time, she tried ziplining. It involved climbing up a pole while harnessed to a rope, standing on a teeny tiny platform and launching herself into the air. The fright lasted seemingly forever; the exhilaration mere instants.

So when the opportunity to go ziplining in Cozumel popped up, you'd have thought that Simone might have declined. She didn't. Accompanied by two daring boys, she set out on what she thought would be a huge adventure in the arms of fear. In that expectation, she was sorely disappointed.

She was outfitted into a harness. Simone thanked the Heavens that she had not been born a male. The pressure on a particular apendage must be immense when the harness is tightened properly. Later, after a comical demonstration where the demonstrator did EVERYTHING wrong, Simone and a horde of about 20 people started climbing the stairs. Stairs. Can you believe it? It was a full blown tower with stairs. And ropes along the stairs to hook people to so that there was absolutely no chance of falling. In spite of all these precautions and seeming safety, Simone's heart still thundered dangerously.

Too soon, her turn arrived. Her ears filled with the sound of thumping as all the air seemed to escape from her lungs. Click, click, click went the clamps as they snapped on to the ropes.

"Sit back," said the executioner.

Simone did, reaching behind her with her right hand so her glove could help her stay in a straight line. Fearfully, she pulled down a little too much and jolted her shoulder.

By the 5th jump, Simone had mastered the position. She even managed a little yawn on one of the towers. That, of course, was before she noticed that one of the staff was NOT harnessed to anything as he pushed people off the tower onto the zipline.

"I'm having fun," she repeated like a mantra. "He is not going to... I'm having FUN!!!"

La belle croisière

Il a fait beau. Il a fait chaud. Pas de vaisselle à laver. Pas de lit à faire ni de serviettes à ramasser. Pas de chien à promener. Une semaine complète de repos. Franchement de quoi faire rêver!

Déjà, lorsque le bateau a quitté le quai, Simone a commencé à apprécier ses vacances. Elle a laissé le petit de 2 ans avec ses ainés pour voir le paquebot se diriger vers la mer. Quel bonheur de passer une semaine sans travail! Le vent soufflait légèrement, les voitures qui passaient le long du pont qui longe le canal klaxonnaient et Simone secouait sa main pour les saluer. Cette fois-ci, c'était elle qui partait au soleil.

Le plus jeune a été déposé au centre d'enfants mais il n'a guère apprécié. Une dizaine de minutes après l'avoir laissé avec les gardiennes, Simone recevait un appel sur le portable qu'on lui avait donné pour ce but précis. Comme fond sonore, Simone pouvait distinguer les cris de Bébé B.

"Est-ce que vous pourriez venir chercher votre enfant?" demandait la voix au bout de la ligne. "Il n'a pas l'air de s'amuser..."

Simone se dit que même si elle passait la semaine au bord de la piscine des tout-petits, c'était mieux que de faire la lessive et de balayer les planchers! Elle partit donc à la rescousse du cadet.

Cruising Fun

A week away didn't seem like enough...

Leaving the dog at a friend's house first thing on Saturday morning made Simone feel a little giddy: no early morning wake ups to walk the dog for an entire week!!! She drove home and finished packing then, with hubby behind the wheel, herded the kids into the car. They'd been warned: they'd have to do homework while they were on the cruise. By and large, the kids agreed and off they went.

After a short night at a Buffalo airport, the gang boarded an early morning flight for Atlanta then raced to make their connection to Fort Lauderdale. Baby B handled the restrictive flight well for a time but when people got up to exit the plane, he tried to barrel his way through to the front. He found himself unceremoniously carted back to his parents and voiced his displeasure by screeching continuously until he was finally released and allowed to race off the offensive aircraft...

Simone's sooooo sick

And grumpy. Don't forget grumpy. It's that time of the month, gosh darn it, and she's got the sniffles. The congestion wouldn't be so bad if she wasn't going away. But she is! To the Caribbean, go figure, at that time of the month with the sniffles!

And Baby B's lost a red lollypop in Simone's room.

Sigh.

Life could be much worse, of course. But a little self-pity can actually be kinda fun so Simone has decided to indulge. She wishes her readers happy reading and a great week off from Simone and her ramblings.

Just be grateful you're within sneezing range...

Oh, and the lollypop's been found, for those with a yearning for mystery resolutions. Simone said, "If you don't find your lollypop, Baby B, you won't get to play with your number magnets."

So Baby B gamefully went hunting for the missing lollypop. He stopped in front of the mirror and made some noises then climbed back onto the bed where Simone was hiding to do her writing.

"Ung," he said.

"Huh?" replied Simone.

"Pans," said Baby B quite seriously.

"You want to take off your pants?" Simone guessed, since he appeared to be tugging at his grey sweatpants.

"Ung," he repeated. He turned slightly, still tugging and Simone finally saw it: the lollypop stick. Baby B had quite simply sat on his lollypop and it thus went missing.

Mystery solved.

La crise chez l'optométriste...

Simone avait un rendez-vous pour 11 heures. Bébé B l'accompagnait. Le voyage dans la grande ville comprenait un petit tour en métro, ce qui plaisait énormément à l'intéressé.

Simone et Bébé B se sont installés l'un à coté de l'autre dans le train. Jusque là, rien ne présageait les minutes difficiles qui allaient suivre. Bébé B regardait les gens, les fenêtres, les pubs... tout d'un air souriant. Idem pour la sortie du métro. Le nombre imposant de marches dans la bouche de métro ne comptait pas car Simone a pris le petit géant dans ses bras et a bravement escaladé les escaliers.

Dans les bureaux de l'optométriste, aucun problème hormis le retard de Simone. "On vous attendait pour 11 h," l'informa la réceptionniste. "Vous aurez une attente de 20 minutes avant votre rendez-vous."

Simone se dit que ce n'était pas si mal et elle s'installa avec Bébé B à ses cotés. Elle sortit la nourriture qu'elle avait emballé pour le déjeuner de son fils. Deux bouchées plus tard, et la fourchette toute prête avec la prochaine bouchée, et l'optométriste appela Simone. Surprise, Simone se leva tout en essayant de ranger la nourriture. Elle oublia la fourchette et finit donc avec un morceau de sandwich tout écrasé contre ses pantalons. Bébé B, pas content du tout de déménager au beau milieu de son repas, se mit à hurler. Pas si mal dans la réception mais une fois dans la petite salle, ce fut l'enfer. Bébé B ne voulait rien savoir. Archi rien. Il hurlait lorsque Simone s'assit dans le fauteuil. Il hurlait lorsque l'optométriste tenta de poser des questions et lorsque Simone répondait.

Vingt minutes plus tard, dans le centre d'achat devant les portes de l'optométriste qui s'étaient résolument fermées derrière Simone, il hurlait toujours.

"Est-ce qu'il aime les chiens?" demanda un jeune homme qui portait un costume de gardien de la sécurité. "Nous en avons deux en bas et ils adorent les enfants."

Bébé B hurlait de plus belle.

"J'en ai trois comme ça à la maison," marmonna un homme qui passait par là. "M***de!"

Simone contempla un instant son phénomène à qui elle avait réussi à faire enfiler son manteau malgré les cris et les coups de pieds. Elle attrapa le petit homme, le jeta par-dessus son épaule et se dirigea vers la sortie. Bien des gens la regardaient de travers. Ce qu'ils pensaient, Simone n'en savait rien, mais elle se disait qu'après tout, un seul petit bonhomme de mauvaise humeur, ça valait mieux que trois à la fois!

Des poils de chien partout!!!

Et oui! Le printemps est arrivé. Le soleil, le beau temps, les tulipes qui se pointent quelques jours avant une tempête de neige un peu tardive... et les poils de chien. Le berger allemand commence à être bien dressé mais ce qu'il peut en perdre comme poils! Simone le brosse tous les jours et réussi à éplucher assez de fourrure pour en tricoter au moins deux caniches miniatures à chaque fois. C'est époustouflant - surtout que tout cet ouvrage n'empêche toujours pas le chien de perdre encore plus de poils et ceux-ci vont se nicher sous les fauteuils, sous les tables et s'accroche aux vêtements des gens qui passent.

Simone a hâte à ce que la température se réchauffe assez pour qu'elle puisse brosser le chien dehors. Elle est certaine que tous les nids d'oiseaux du comté se retrouveront douillets à souhait avec les poils de son chien...

Colours!!!

Baby B has one pair of footwear that he will wear: yellow rubber boots. Okay, so he also agrees to wear Simone's yellow heels but that's definitely not outside wear. Simone, concerned that Baby B would refuse to wear anything other than his old standby on their upcoming cruise, took the boy to a local store.

Simone stopped the buggy in front of the children's sandals display. "What do you think of these?" she asked, pulling a pair of Spiderman sandals from the rack.

"NOOOOOOO!" yelled Baby B. You'd think she had stuck a lit match under his feet, he kicked them so hard.

"What about these?" Simone pointed doubtfully to a colourful pair of Barbie sandals.

"NOOOOOOO!" yelled Baby B. Then, mid kick and scream, he calmed down immediately and said, "Or. Boo. Gr. Yeh."

Simone followed the direction indicated by Baby B's pointing index finger and saw a large display of crocs. Minutes later, Baby B had a yellow croc on his left foot and an orange croc on his right foot. Simone sped the buggy back toward the cash register before the opinionated one could change his mind. Wonder of wonders, the crocs stayed on...

Snow Day!!!

It seems wrong, doesn't it?

After nearly a month of no snowfall, the tulips began to emerge from their hiding holes in the ground. What a lovely sight! Simone began to relax and comment on the fact that the winter season may have started a month early in 2008, but it also appeared to have stopped early in 2009. That was last Friday.

On Saturday, the first wave of the snowstorm hit. Signs blew over. Trees fell. On Monday, all school busses were cancelled. By Tuesday morning, over a foot of snow had fallen. Simone had to trudge through the snow when she walked the dog. Pedestrians chose to use the road instead - a smart move if one wanted to keep one's feet dry! Only a week prior and Simone was raking the front lawn. Now she was back to shoveling.

Sigh. Where's Al Gore when you need him?

Big Guy, Little Guy

So there were Simone and several of the kids at a French talent show. The 10 year old was performing: C'est zéro. She did an awesome job but Baby B ran out of patience two acts after his sister sang. Since the 10 year old performed third and there were nearly 20 other acts to follow prior to the finale, there didn't seem to be many options.

Simone finally snuck out with Baby B and hung out in the hallway for the remainder of the show. The 19 year old and his girlfriend joined them during intermission and stayed to play with the little guy. Baby started by stripping off his shirt; Simone convinced him that he HAD to keep his pants on... Then he got real interested by a four year old girl who came out of the hall, puking in a white bowl. Simone did her best to keep him close.

Finally, for over an hour, Baby B started at one end of the hall while his big brother waited at the other end. He then raced toward the big guy. The big guy caught the little guy, tossed him in the air, caught him (thank heavens!) and put him down after a spin or two. Baby B loved this so much that he kept at it, well beyond the time that would normally have had him snuggle up to his favourite toys in bed.

Gotta love them older brothers ;-)

Keep your socks on!!!

Baby B sat properly in his car seat. The car heater blasted Simone and the little guy as torrential rain blasted the city. They only had a five minute ride to get to where they were going but when Simone glanced back, Baby B had already managed to kick off one of his yellow rubber rainboots.

"We're almost there," Simone said. "You're going to need your boots for the puddles."

Baby B smiled and kicked off his other boot.

"Oh for crying out loud," muttered Simone. Now she'd have to stand in the rain to slide the boots back on the toddler's feet.

She turned into the parking lot and found a spot in record time. Unfortunately, Baby B was reaching for his sock and pulling with determination.

"Hey!" Simone yelped. "Keep your socks on! We're here already!"

...

So THAT's where the expression came from!

Vous n'auriez pas de la petite monnaie?

Simone le savait d'avance. Elle allait passer à la bibliothèque municipale et afin de pouvoir se stationner sans courir le risque de recevoir une amende, il faut payer. Seulement, elle n'avait pas de monnaie. En effet, la fée des dents était passée chez la fille de dix ans et, en échange d'une molaire plus ou moins propre, avait déposé 2$ sous l'oreiller de l'enfant. Cette chipie de fée des dents avait certainement volé l'argent de Simone car cette dernière ne trouvait plus de monnaie dans ses poches alors qu'elle en avait eu le jour précédent.

"Mince," murmura Simone alors qu'elle regardait sous les sièges de sa voiture pour quelques pièces de monnaie. "Je n'aurais pas du lui arracher cette dent." Il faut dire que l'enfant avait demandé de l'aide si gentiment... Simone avait donc inséré son pouce et son index dans la bouche de sa fille, avait attrapé la dent et l'avait arraché. Ça avait saigné, bien sur...

Simone aperçu une policière qui avait l'air de faire le tour de la bibliothèque. "Hé! Ho! Madame!" lança Simone. "Vous n'auriez pas de la monnaie pour un billet de 20 dollars?"

La policière secoua la tête. "Désolé. Pourquoi? Vous allez à la bibliothèque?"

"Oui," dit Simone.

"Vous allez mettre combien de temps?"

"Oh, une quinzaine de minutes, maximum," dit Simone. "La machine ne prendrait pas des pièces de 10 sous, par hasard?"
"Non," répondit la policière. Elle était en train d'insérer des pièces de son propre argent. "Voilà," annonça la policière. "Vous avez une trentaine de minutes."

Simone en demeurait bouche bée. "Vous avez payé pour moi? Merci! Tenez, prenez donc mes pièces de 10 sous!"

Mais déjà la policière s'éloignait.

Les rayons de soleil inespérés éclaircissent mieux que ceux auquels on s'attend...

1, 2, 3 strikes. YOU'RE OUT!!!

The toy library is a lovely, peaceful place. Especially if you ignore the 50+ toddlers and young 'uns under the age of 6. Nobody between the ages of 7 and 15 is allowed into the toy library. They have a mandate, doncha know?

Baby B especially loves the place when there are very few people there. He likes the young children's room; does not venture into the snack area, the puzzle area or the craft area. He strictly sticks to the toy lending area and the library area. None of these facts save the first is very important. There is a problem, however. Since Baby B naps from time to time, and is horribly cranky in the afternoon anyhow, Simone and he do not go to the toy library in the afternoon when few other children are present. They go in the morning. And it is very, very, VERY crowded in the morning.

Yesterday, Baby B started out okay. There were only two other children in the young children's room. Unfortunately this fine state of affairs failed to continue. At 10 am. hordes of toddlers invaded the room. Baby B reacted poorly to this invasion. He pushed the young boy with whom he'd been playing quite nicely minutes prior. He slapped a little girl's bum (Simone places the blame solely on hubby for THAT one). He wrestled over a toy car with another little girl and took offence to the fact that she tried to use the same train track as him. Simone played mediator and the problem was solved. He side tackled a five year old boy who laughed. Simone told Baby B that this was inappropriate behaviour and told him he had one last chance. Finally, Baby B crawled over a mother's lap and, when that failed to elicit a reaction, tossed a plastic car and nailed directly in the middle of her forehead.

"That's it," Simone declared. "We're going home and you're not borrowing a toy today."

"MMMMMMMM!" said Baby B, citing his version of "sorry".

"You'll have to apologize to the lady you hurt with the toy car," Simone told Baby B.

"MMMMMMMM!" said Baby B. And so they went back to the young children's room to apologize to the young woman in question.

The young mother accepted the hug and apology and, still sobbing, Baby B headed out of the toy library with Simone.