Les toilettes qui tirent automatiquement

Le petit B avait besoin d'aller aux toilettes. Simone et lui se précipitèrent vers les toilettes publiques du centre d'achat.

Le petit B s'installa sur le siège. Un instant plus tard, alors qu'il soupirait de soulagement, la cuvette se vida automatiquement. Le petit B sursauta et, effrayé par l'eau qui éclaboussait partout, il se leva brusquement.

Comme il n'avait pas tout à fait terminé de faire ses besoins et que sa mère se trouvait, pour ainsi dire, au mauvais endroit... Le cabinet ne s'en est pas très bien sorti non plus.

Si le but des toilettes automatiques était d'obtenir un certain niveau de propreté, c'était raté...

A busy, busy day

The day began at 5 am with a text message stating that the 18 year old had caught a mouse in the basement and accidentally disemboweled it. With a bowl. Both bowl and mouse were spending their demise in a non despcript bag in a garbage pail outside the house.
At 6:15 am, little B woke up with an urgent need to use the facilities and an inability to get out of bed.
At 7 am, the laundry got started.
At 7:15 am, the exterminator was called and an appointment set for 6:30 pm.
At 8 am, Simone tried to do some writing.
At 9 am, the 12 year old was brought to school.
At 9:15 am, Simone met the 18 year old as he biked back from rowing and gave him some last minute instructions for babysitting little B. "But I want to go with you," protested little B.
At 9:25 am, Simone lured little B into the backyard with a bright pink soccer ball and then, having left him under the dubious supervision of the 18 year, tiptoed out the front door.
At 9:30 am, Simone signed the visitors' book at the school where she was scheduled to discuss little B's start of school in September with three other people.
At 9:32 am, Simone was schocked to find out that there were in fact 11 other people at the meeting.
At 11 am, Simone went home and berated the 18 year old for failing to begin lunch. The 18 year old went to take a shower.
At 12:15 pm, Simone took the 18 year old to a comic book store. "This way you know that I'm not drinking when I'm away at university," he grinned after spending a small fortune on comic books. "I spend all my money on these."
Hmmmm...
At 1:30 pm, Simone finished the laundry.
At 2 pm, Simone made a tomato and avocado salad.
At 3 pm, Simone's mother in law said she didn't feel very well.
At 4 pm, little B at his dinner.
At 4:25 pm, Simone took little B to the corner store for a slushy.
At 4:32 pm, Simone wandered around a gym, trying to find three empty seats for little B, the 18 year old and herself. Finally, she found someone willing to share their table. But they only had two seats available. Simone tried to entice little B to sit on her lap but he refused to share so she sat on the floor. At least she had a perfect view of the Grade 6 grads from there.
At 6:30 pm, Simone took a very cranky, very covered in creamy chocolate cake little B home where they watched an episode of Blues Clues.
At 6:45 pm, Simone's mother in law complained of increasing stomach pain and that her hernia was back. Upon inspection, this appeared to be very true. Combined with other symptoms of vomiting and inability to void, this made Simone order her mother in law to get her health card and meds ready to leave for the hospital within two hours.
At 7:15 pm, little B's bedtime routine began.
At 8:15 pm, Simone was on her way to the hospital with her mother in law.
At 11:30 pm, Simone's mother in law was wheeled into the operating room for an emergency hernia operation.
At 12 am... oh, wait... that's the next day...

Un cauchemar...

Tard dans la nuit, Simone dormait à poings fermés. D'habitude, Simone dort si bien que rien ne la réveille. Mais ce soir-là, une voix enraillée appelait son nom et Simone se réveilla, le coeur dans la gorge.
"Hein?" Fit-elle, érudite telle qu'elle l'est.
"Ton fils pleure à larmes chaudes," l'informa sa belle-mère. Et, réflexion faite, Simone entendait son fils qui hurlait dans sa chambre à quelques pas de là. Avec quelques petits grognements, Simone sortit du lit et se dirigea vers la chambre du petit B.
"Tu n'as pas répondu lorsque j'ai frappé à ta porte alors je me suis permise d'entrer. J'espère que ça ne te dérange pas?"
"Ahiergoiael," marmonna Simone, dont le coeur commençait seulement à se calmer. "Allons, viens," dit-elle au petit B. "Je t'accompagne aux toilettes, d'accord?"
Les larmes du petit B s'estompèrent mais Simone eut un grand mal à se rendormir. Allez donc chercher pourquoi!

Housebound for the afternoon

Simone and little B had big plans for the afternoon. They were going to hop into the car and go for a ride to the toy library, hang out with some friends and maybe paint a picture or three.

The fates had other things in mind.

When they stepped outside, they were shocked to see several fire engines, lights flashing, and a couple of cop cars, strategically placed to block traffic on either side of Simone's house. Aside from the bus on fire, people either running from it or taking pictures on their cell phones, not a soul was on the street with the emergency crews.

A police officer shouted at Simone and little B. Although the words were unclear, the message came through: Get your sorry behinds back in your house!

Putting out the fire took some time. Cleaning up the mess left over after putting out the fire took twice as long. By the time the fire engines picked up their hoses and left, it was time to do the school run...

Non! J'ai dit non!

Le petit B était au parc avec sa mère. Il y avait aussi une petite fille.

"Hé, petite fille!" S'écria le petit B. "Viens jouer avec moi!"

Le petit B et la petite fille grimpaient, glissaient sur les glissoires et jouaient dans le sable. Mais après une course effrénée trois fois autour du bac à sable, la petite fille en avait marre.

"Ah mais non!" Dit-elle lorsque le petit B la suivit sur la glissoire.

Le petit B ne prêta aucune attention à la petite fille et s'assit en haut de la glissoire.

"Non!" La petite T attrapa le col du petit B et le tira en arrière par le t-shirt. Il faudrait peut-être préciser que la petite T mesurait une tête de moins que le petit B.

"Le parc, c'est terminé!" La mère de la petite B prit l'enfant par la main et l'entraina chez elle.

"Non!" Hurla la petite T.

"Nooooon!" Seconda le petit B.

On apprend un tas de choses au parc...

Let me spell it out for you, okay?

Little B and Simone walked to the store to get a treat. As he stood in line with Mom, sipping on his pink slushy, a well intentioned matronly woman approached the little guy.

"Hi, Cutie," she said. "Do you know what I'm drinking?"

Little B stared at her, stone-faced. He slurped on his slushy. "No," he admitted at last.

"I'm drinking a milkshake," said the red-haired woman. She smiled and eyed the cashier but the line wasn't moving forward. "Can you say 'milkshake'?"

Little B took another sip. "Milkshake," said little B.

"Very good!" Enthused the matron.

Little B nodded, accepting the compliment.

"I'm drinking a slushy," he told her. "Can YOU say 'slushy'?"

L'école...

Le petit B va commencer l'école en septembre mais déjà Simone se présente à l'école pour leur parler de son rejeton.

Le petit B est prêt à commencer ses classes. Plus que prêt. Il peut lire, écrire, compte par deux et à reculons, sait faire des additions et des soustractions, joue de la musique, colorie, découpe et colle...

Bref, il risque de s'ennuyer à la maternelle, une fois qu'il s'habituera à avoir des amis à proximité à longueur de journée.

Que faire dans un cas pareil?

Simone n'a toujours pas trouvé la réponse idéale. Y-en-a-t-il une?