Cleanliness is next to...

When Simone inspected the hotel room of a major hotel and resort line, she found q-tips around the room, an empty jar of Nuttela and brown stuff on the toilet. On the outside of the toilet.

She wasn't pleased.

She called housekeeping to complain. They listened and apologized. Simone told them that she was going to bed and fully expected them to clean up the place the next day before she returned for the night.

Only the maid didn't manage to come the next day. Simone was out all day and by then a couple more things had become apparent: they were out of toilet paper and three towels for 5 people does not provide enough coverage. Hubby caught the maid in the hallway of their floor. At 4:10 pm, she brought extra towels and explained to Simone that she would get to their room later on in the evening.

"That's not acceptable," countered Simone. "We'll all be in the room by 7 pm! But we'll be going to the pool in five minutes so you can come back then, I suppose."

The maid shrugged and left.

When Simone returned from swimming, the room still hadn't been cleaned.

The maid knocked on the room door at 8:30 pm. Simone glared at her and said, "No. We are not leaving the room now. Thank-you." And she closed the door.

Two hours later, the maid slid a little card under the room door. It said, "Since you had the DO NOT DISTURB sign on all day, I couldn't clean your room. Sorry for the incovenience."

Really?

The DO NOT DISTURB sign never left the INSIDE of the room all day.

Good grief!

Un maillot de bain oublié…

La fille de 13 ans avait fait sa valise en moins de 10 minutes. Autant dire qu’il risquait fort qu’elle ait oublié quelque chose. C’est en fait ce qui s’est passé : elle a oublié de prendre son maillot de bain.

« Ne t’en fait pas, » tenta de la rassurer Simone. « Tu pourras emprunter le mien. »

« Mouais, » fit la jeune femme, pas convaincue. « Tes maillots de bain sont toujours brillants. J’aime pas ça. Et en plus tes maillots sont trop grands pour moi.»

« Tu verras, celui-là est super mignon. Mais si j’ai envie d’aller à la piscine, tu n’y auras pas le droit. »

La fille fit la moue. Elle avait l’air bien décidé de ne pas utiliser le maillot. Sauf qu’à Montréal, il faisait une chaleur étouffante. Et elle eut bientôt beaucoup, beaucoup envie d’aller dans la piscine de l’hôtel.

Non seulement le maillot ne brillait pas mais il allait mieux à la jeune femme qu’à sa mère…

Canada Day

Canada Day is July 1st and this year, the family planned a road trip. After picking up the two youngest from the oldest's apartment on Friday morning, Simone and hubby picked up the third oldest from Oshawa. And they were off.

Very, very slowly.

Yes, the traffic was bad on the 401.

But they made their way to Ottawa, more or less. Unfortunately, Ottawa was a mess. A warren of one way streets was made even worse by road closures in honor of Canada Day and, later, in preparation for the William and Kate extravaganza. Still, the family wound their way through the streets and, eventually found the new home of the second oldest. He was moving in with his girlfriend.

Their new home, a lovely loft in the downtown core, was packed solid with belongings. Precious little floor space but this did not dim their enthusiasm in the least little bit. They had their very own apartment!

The group went out to dinner at Lonestar after an extenuating drive out in the boonies to return the moving truck, which begged the question "Were there no car rental places IN Ottawa?" After a hearty bout of spitballs and the question: do boys EVER grow up (no!), it was time to get back on the road and head for Montreal.

Whew!

Le gardien d’enfants

« Tu es certain que ça ne posera pas de problèmes? » Insista Simone pour la énième fois.

« Maman, arrête! » Dit le jeune homme de 22 ans. « Tu devrais savoir que je suis capable de m’occuper de tout le monde! »

« Oui, bien sur, » répliqua Simone. « Mais là, tu vas te retrouver avec ta sœur de 13 ans, ton petit frère de 4 ans et les deux chiens. Ça fait beaucoup! »

« Maman! » s’énerva le jeune homme.

« Je t’ai acheté assez de nourriture? » S’inquiéta-t-elle.

« Tu n’avais pas besoin de faire ça, Maman. J’avais assez à manger chez moi. Tu m’as acheté assez de nourriture pour deux semaines. Je ne risque pas de manquer de quoi que ce soit. »

« Tu voudrais que je nettoie la salle de bain avant de partir? » Demanda Simone.

« Oui! » S’écria la fille de 13 ans mais son grand frère la foudroya tellement du regard que son enthousiasme s’éteignit rapidement.

« Maman, tu as déjà nettoyé la cuisine, tu as balayé l’appartement et tu as fait le lit du petit B. Tout ira bien. Ne t’en fait pas. »

« C’est la première fois qu’il ne dort pas près de ses parents, » renifla Simone. « S’Il y a quoi que ce soit, tu m’enverras un texto? »

« Promis juré, » fit le jeune homme en dessinant un X imaginaire contre sa poitrine. « Bye, Mom. J’t’aime! » Et il embrassa sa mère tout en la dirigeant vers la porte de sortie.

Et, un peu perdue, Simone s’éloigna. Sans enfants. Sans chiens. Toute seule. Même les bouchons de l’autoroute ne sont pas parvenus à la défaire du calme qui avait envahi ses pensées!

Math? Over the summer? Ugh!

The 13 year old did really well on her final report card. This did not stop Simone from requesting that the girl provide her mother with all the math tests she'd written during the year.

Grumbling that her locker had probably eaten them, the girl complied.

"Okay," said Simone,"You complained that your teacher did not teach very well. You told me that you did not understand some of the concepts that were covered in class. You told me that there was little review and even less explanations. Considering that you have very poor marks on your earlier tests, I'd like you to choose the questions on the tests that gave you the most trouble and we'll review them over the summer."

The 13 year old glared at Simone as only 13 year olds can.

"Or you can put the test papers in the recycling and forget about it," Simone said equably. "It's really up to you whether you want to do better next year. You have a resource, me, and you can choose to use me or not. Your choice."

The test papers did not move from the table where the 13 year old had placed them for over a week, so Simone put them in the recycling herself.

"Where did the tests go?" Complained the 13 year old who'd sniffed out the "crime". And didn't she retrieve them from the recycling.. Then again, she has yet to ask Simone for her help.

Anti-moustique!

Simone avait emprunté le sac à dos du petit B pour la sortie avec sa classe. Dedans, elle avait rangé leurs lunchs ainsi qu’une bouteille de répulsif anti-moustique. Malheureusement, si elle se souvint de récupérer les contenants de leur lunch, ceci ne fut pas le cas pour l’insecticide.

Lorsque l’autobus scolaire du petit B s’arrêta devant chez lui, une jeune fille un peu décoiffée sortit du bus avant le petit B. « Il nous a arrosé, » dit-elle, ce qui n’éclaira guère Simone qui ne se souvenait pas du tout du répulsif oublié dans le sac à dos.

« Alors on l’a confisqué, » ajouta-t-elle.

Les yeux de Simone s’écarquillèrent avec effarement.

Heureusement que le petit B fut capable de lui expliquer de quoi il s’agissait!

Tommy did it!

Little B was playing alone in his room. Simone came in and surveyed the damages.

"What happened?" She demanded, hands on hips. She picked up a Swiper figurine. "Swiper's tail is broken," she noted. "And you only just got him. How did you break the tail?"

"I didn't break Swiper," he countered. "Tommy did it."

Simone sighed. Tommy happens to be little B's imaginary friend. "Well, if Tommy broke Swiper, then I guess he can keep it for now until his Mommy can help Tommy fix it." Simone placed the toy on a shelf, well out of little B's reach.

It was little B's turn to sigh.


"If you want the toy back, you might want to tell me who actually broke it," Simone pointed out.

No go...