Spray Bottle, Anyone?

Eliot says, "Puh-leaze don't spray me again?"

After months of dilly-dally, Simone finally purchased a spray bottle for the purposes of training the dog.

Problems... well, there were a few...

The dog likes to lie down in the middle of the floor during meal preparation. While Simone could not help but admire Eliot's entrepreneurial spirit, he was nonetheless underfoot and causing humans to trip over his prone form. This was a dangerous practice for dog and humans alike. No form of entreaty would convince the dog to remove his person (!) from the kitchen.

The dog barks at his shadow. No joke. He goes nuts when he sees his shadow. Maybe he's scared?

The dog likes to visit his humans when they are sitting on the couch, preferably with laptop computers on their laps. Simone's not sure about your computer but hers doesn't work well when it's covered with dog drool.

Enter the spray bottle. One spray and the dog retreated and kept his mouth shut. Two problems with one squirt! Not a bad plan!

Now Simone wonders if the bottle would work for disciplining children...

Mais elle vient d'où, cette idée?

Le principe est peut-être bon mais lorsque l'heure change en mars, ça chamboule tout! Dimanche matin, Simone aurait aimé faire la grasse matinée mais le mari avait d'autres idées en tête. Et oui! Il allait se lever tôt et profiter du fait que tout le monde ou presque ferait la grasse matinée. À 21 h, Simone n'en pouvait plus de profiter de cette heure... Elle s'est endormie assise sur le fauteuil devant la télé.

Mais l'histoire ne finit pas là! Lundi matin et le garçon de 13 ans, secoué à 7h30 pour qu'il se réveille à temps pour aller à l'école, se rendort et ne se réveille pas avant 8h30. La fille de 10 ans, qui a juré d'arriver à l'école à l'heure aujourd'hui, dort jusqu'à 8h. Simone a décidé de préparer une sauce maison pour les pâtes, et elle aussi est en retard.

"Savais-tu," demande le mari de Simone, "Qu'il y a une couche de glace qui mesure presque 2 centimètres sur ta voiture? Les locataires sont enfermés au sous-sol parce que leur porte extérieure est recouverte de glace elle aussi. Tu ferais mieux de démarrer ta voiture si tu veux arriver à l'heure aujourd'hui."

Simone démarre sa voiture mais c'est peine perdue... Le garçon de 13 ans décide de prendre une douche à 8 h 35. La fille de 10 attend que le garçon parte à l'école pour pratiquer ses trois chansons (sinon il y aurait des crises) et du coup, puisque celui-ci est très en retard, elle ne commence son répertoire que quelques minutes avant 9 h.

"Tu appeleras l'école pour leur dire que je suis en retard," affirme le garçon de 13 ans à Simone.

"Tu rigoles!" se marre Simone. "T'avais qu'à te lever à l'heure."

"J'aimerais cela si tu appellais l'école pour leur dire que je suis en retard," corrige le garçon de 13 ans.

"Tu es charmant mais ça ne suffit pas. Allez, ouste!"

Et dire que la course du lundi matin ne faisait que commencer...

It's sunny, it's warm - and Simone grumps out!

The day started off well. Simone noted the warm temperature and decided she would walk the 10 year old to school. Unfortunately, the 10 year old had other ideas. Told she needed to organize her day so that she could make it on time, the 10 year old did so. But forgot about a crucial presentation she had to make in front of her class today. It involved, of course, a certain amount of preparation which required, of course, a certain amount of time.

The walk was sacrificed in favour of the less environmentally-friendly drive as time quickly ran out.

Baby B took advantage of the delay to toss all the plastic food items out of his kitchen, throw the toy cars from the car park all over the second floor, slide alphabet puzzle pieces under the bathroom door and stack his trains and wagons in an unsightly pile in the middle of the exercise area. Simone had no time to deal with the mess, adding to her already grumpy mood.

After dropping the 10 year old off at school, Simone and Baby B proceeded to the French children's play centre. Baby B promptly removed all the toys off the play table and placed them on the floor. He then tackled a boy who was playing with the car park. Simone and Baby B sat for a few minutes together before Baby B became reasonable again and cleaned up his mess.

When they left the play centre, Baby B was intent on shopping in the dollar store. Simone objected. Baby B threw a temper tantrum. Simone tossed him over her shoulder and headed for the exit. Baby B kicked off his boots. Simone placed Baby B on the ground for a minute, grabbed the boots, tackled Baby B as he tried to make his escape and went to the car as quickly as possible.

Time to walk the dog. The dog thought he was a sled dog and Simone pulled something in her lower back trying to keep the stroller from becoming buried in the mud where the dog was dragging it. By the time she got home, she was far from pleasant. The dog, sensing Simone's mood, prudently kept out of her reach. Baby B, showing similar intuition, played with his potty and a sponge. Cleaning, apparently. (There was nothing in the potty but air.)

Simone grabbed some food and sat at the computer. "I," she declared, "am not speaking to anybody until my work is done."

This declaration brought no objections...

"Marche!"

Le dressage d'Eliot avance à petits pas et à coups de laisse.

Les petits pas viennent de Simone. Les coups de laisse viennent du chien. Le chien tire la laisse aussi fort que possible. Simone refuse de le laisser avancer. Le chien s'arrête, regarde autour de lui et, dès qu'il regarde Simone, elle lui disait, "Bon chien!" et le manège recommençait.

Hier, une amie de Simone les observait.

"As-tu essayé de lui dire, 'Marche!' quand tu es prête à avancer? Il me semble que ton chien interprète 'bon chien' comme voulant dire 'tire aussi fort que possible'."

Sur le coup, Simone s'est sentie un peu vexée. Après tout, la commande semblait plutôt évidente. Réflexion faite, elle se dit qu'il valait mieux faire contre mauvaise fortune bon coeur. Et du coup le miracle eu lieu: Simone et Eliot ont fait une promenade complète sans engueulade! Ça se trinque!

The Calm AFTER the Storm

The lack of naps has taken its toll on Baby B.

Last night, after a full day of revelling, he crashed on the couch right in the middle of a television show he wouldn't have been watching had he had enough energy to protest. Simone carried him upstairs, put him down on her bed, removed his clothing, changed his diaper, put on his pajamas and brushed his teeth. Other than a couple of half-hearted sucks at the toothbrush, he slept through the entire ordeal. Simone plopped him into his bed a few minutes later.

Fast forward to morning. Very early morning. 5 am. Okay, so that may not constitute "early" for some people, but it does for Simone. Baby B began hammering the wall with his heels. He'd had enough sleep!

By the time Simone dragged herself to get Baby B out of bed, she noticed that the child did not look very rested. In fact, he looked pretty well ready for a nap. He ate his breakfast well enough but then his behaviour began to show signs of strain.

He didn't want to come down the stairs to put his boots on.

He didn't want his jacket on.

He didn't want to go out the door.

He didn't want to go to the car.

He didn't want to go in his car seat.

He didn't want... well, at this point, Simone tuned out the wails. They headed to a clinic where they had an appointment and by the time they reached the building, Baby B had calmed down. He walked into the building, pushed the elevator buttons, walked into the offices and sat down on the chair next to Nan. Just as he settled in, they were called into the doctor's office. There ended Baby B's good mood.

He didn't want to go into the doctor's office.

He didn't want to calm down.

He didn't want to be quiet.

He didn't want his ears inspected.

He didn't want the doctor near him.

He didn't want a sticker.

Oh, wait! He did want a sticker!

NO!!!! He didn't want a sticker!

Sum total? Baby B fell asleep in the car on the way home and he's STILL napping two hours later. Maybe he wasn't completely ready to give up sleepies yet...

Une sortie imprévue

Bébé B ne fait plus la sieste l'après-midi. Bon, d'accord, cela ne dure pas depuis longtemps. Mais voici deux jours d'affilé qu'il n'a pas l'air très fatigué, voir plutôt excité à l'heure de sa sieste. Simone, qui ne voulait pas se retrouver sans ses deux heures de temps libre l'après-midi insistait depuis quelques mois que Bébé B fasse sa sieste. Mais il avait du mal à s'endormir le soir. Souvent, on pouvait l'entendre chantonner les lettres de l'alphabet à 11 heures du soir.

Les deux derniers jours sans sieste on tout changé. À 8 h pile, Bébé B est endormi. Simone se morfondait, bien sur. Il n'est pas facile de travailler, faire la cuisine, faire le ménage et écrire des romans avec un petit de deux ans qui veut sans cesse son tour sur l'ordi. Les enfants de tous ages sont des tyrans mais à deux ans, pas question de raisonner avec eux!

Du coup, lorsque la gardienne de Benjamin a contacté Simone pour lui demander si elle pourrait bien emmener Bébé B dans un terrain de jeu au sud de la ville, Simone a sauté sur l'occasion! Simone a même donné un bonbon au petit chenapan pour l'amadouer: il ne voulait pas quitter "Nan". Les voilà partis, Simone est seule avec le chien - qui n'avait pas l'air de comprendre pourquoi son copain partait en voiture sans maman - et elle peut écrire tout ce qui lui passe par la tête sans avoir à expliqué que les jeux d'ordi seront pour plus tard si Bébé B se comporte bien.

La vie est très belle quelquefois ;-)

waddya mean "no nap"?

The day finally arrived... Baby B officially did not have a nap yesterday. Of course, he'd accidentally missed a nap here and there due to travel or other unavoidable circumstances - but Simone had never purposefully let Baby B play through the afternoon. She left him in the care of the 17 year old while she and hubby went grocery shopping.

Baby B had a great time with the 17 year old. The 17 year old, however, prefers the company of very few people, preferably those over the age of 15. So the 17 year old pawned Baby B off on the 10 year old. The 10 year old had just finished cleaning her bedroom and Baby B ransacked it. She was not impressed.

When Simone and hubby got home, Baby B played some more. Simone waited for him to show signs of fatigue. Not only did he not slow down, but his attention span appeared to improve with time. Simone, who wanted to bake an apple pie, started her project. Normally, she'd wait for Baby B to sleep but since that wasn't happening on Sunday...

Well, Baby B insisted on sitting on the counter where Simone mixed the ingredients for her crust. Then he insisted on helping add ingredients to the bowl. Then he insisted on mixing the ingredients with his spoon. Then he yelled at Simone for using her hands (washed first, thank-you) to mix the crust together. Simone sagely moved on to cutting apple slices while Baby B recovered somewhat from the shock this ignonimy had caused him.

It took a long, long, long time to make the apple pie.

Baby B's bath almost took longer: he looked like a bleached prune by the time the tub drained completely!

But what happens to writing time for Simone?

Sigh...