It started with a photo posted on facebook. The picture showed a startingly beautiful young woman, her face profiled and her arm upraised to show an an unshaved underarm.
A discussion ensued, the commments copied below. The wisdom does not belong in any part to Simone but to the young woman who courageously posted her photo. Courageous not because she dared post something ugly. On the contrary: the picture showed beauty pure and simple, regardless of conventional standards. No, she was courageous because she bucked the trends and proved that beauty... is.
So imagine the photo. Because the photo was beautiful and what needs to change isn't the picture or the woman but YOUR thoughts. You need to imagine in your head and imagine how beautiful a woman who hasn't shaved her armpits is. Do it. Because beauty is NOT measured in the size of your girth. Beauty is.
Here is the conversation:
Friend: Do you know how much I adore this photo? It has to the best one of you yet. Here's to breaking the mold & giving society's conventions the one-finger salute.
Beautiful woman: It's not necessarily about giving the middle finger to society or their "rules" regarding beauty. That's just a tired rebellion I'd much rather avoid; it's moreso about doing (and being!) what I find comfortable for myself. This isn't a political statement, merely an opinion. :)
Man: bodyhair on women is a huge turn-on
Man: BECAUSE IT BELONGS THERE
Beautiful Woman: I still shave my legs, though, because some habits die hard. Or maybe I just really like the way they feel underneath clean sheets.
Friend 2: Fair enough that you don't shave your body hair, but you're hardly bucking a whole lot of conventional standards of beauty as a very thin, white, conventionally beautiful female!
Beautiful Woman: The female body, in whatever shape or condition, has unfortunately become society's easiest targeted battleground. Instead of forming strong bonds through shared intimacies that every woman can relate to, there are groups who yell, "Eat a b...(tharr be more)urger!" to thinner women;.and vice versa: there are just as many skinny women who lash out and make despicable comments about larger women. This petty insecurity they harbor about their lack of curves or about not being skinny enough, is given fuel through useless jealousy. It is horrible, hurtful, and utterly poisonous.
Give me a society that makes companies put health and acceptance before profit-making, and funds literacy classes so young women could learn from appropriate ages to see through/look beyond society's constant barrage of subliminal horse shit referred to as "ideal beauty."
Friend 3: amen
Simone: Thanks, Beautiful Woman. For the picture and your very balanced explanation.
The messages society sends about beauty have become so distorted in my mind that the other day I found myself yelling at my daughter, "I know I'm ugly. You don't need to ...(tharr be more)tell me!"
... and this when so many people tell me they wish they looked like me, had a shape like mine.
Every time I look in the mirror, I think, "Ugh!"
lol
I need to be more like you :-)
Beautiful Woman: I'll be the first one to admit to a laundry list of insecurities that have kept me hostage in my own skin for longer than I care to remember. I struggle with a few of them daily (especially since I have an OCD that largely affects ...(tharr be more)my appearance), but they aren't nearly as center-stage in my brain as they were a few years ago. A great percentage of my youth and adulthood was centered on self-doubt, constant comparisons, and criticism (from myself and others); and to know that I spent so much time fussing and cussing over this body, this thing that works so hard to keep me functioning on a daily basis, makes me rather ill.
Yes, there is a certain way I would like to look. Does society influence that? It's almost impossible for it not to, in some ways. But at the end of the day, it's not about conforming to cut-and-paste ideals of beauty, but rather, a personal aesthetic I would like to achieve for myself. If I can look at myself in the mirror, without grievance or harsh judgment and say, "Yeah, I look good today!" and actually feel comfortable and confident after saying such things, then that is a huge deal. Also, having someone in my orbit who loves and cares about me and reinforces these positive thoughts is never a bad thing. ;)
Humans are flexible creatures. The skin tears, the muscles weaken, the body softens. But instead of trying to hide or prevent these things to such severe degrees, we should be learning to embrace these inevitable changes as they happen, without worry or prejudice. xo.
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